Obsession
by riskakiss
Summary: Her heart was crushed once again but it didn't matter anymore. She will find something new, better to do and she will forget everything and everyone. "It sounded better before," he admitted. "So was my life before destroying it with a stupid past obsession."
1. Chapter 1

When she was 15, Sakura confessed one more time to Sasuke. She hoped that three years after her first confession he will start noticing her, loving her but Sasuke was still the same boy. He was still not interested in going out with girls and he was still far from in love with her. He recognized her powers and her abilities as a medic ninja but that was all he could see in her. Sakura could never be a potential lover and he was not willing to waste time with something that might never work. So, he bluntly told her again that she was annoying and the next day walked outside the village with his brother and Naruto to train in the mountains. Sakura could not believe her ears when he betrayed her again so she secluded herself in her office and cried until her tears dried and she could not shed another tear. After that, she was never the same again. She stopped going out with her friends, she stopped going home to her worried parents and she stopped working as a doctor. Nobody could reach her anymore. Even when called out she wouldn't answer. She no longer recognized her name and she no longer cared who needed or called her. Sakura took things from home and moved in her office, where she waste time pretending to study new things, refusing to treat people or help out at the hospital. Everyone knew the cause of her despair but nobody could help her so they gave her space to solve her problems in the beginning but after a while they realized she was not going to return to her old self. But, instead of solving her problems, Sakura kept on looking for other problems to solve and sometimes actually having problems with the police. She got arrested twice and only after another warning she became a "good girl" again and kept her hands away from trouble.

Sasuke came back home four months later but at that point Sakura was already a lost case. She was no longer interested in being with him and she was constantly avoiding him. But one thing was peculiar for everyone: she was constantly flirting with other Uchihas. Many tried to speak with her and tell her she should have some dignity and stop trying to hurt herself but she ignored them all and by the time she was 16 she no longer spoke with the friends from her childhood. She stopped going on missions and stopped caring about others, including herself. Probably around that year she discovered the beauty of not giving a damn anymore. She no longer got herself in trouble with the police but she kept on running after Uchihas like a maniac.

But problems always seem to follow Sakura around so one night, during one of her tries to win an Uchiha, she found the wrong one. She thought he will fall for her but instead she just got him angry. Uchiha Shisui was casually drinking whiskey with ice when a pink haired young lady sat right next to him at the bar. She told the barman that she is still thinking about what to drink before resting her left elbow on the countertop and her chin in her palm. She pretended to look at the bottles of alcohol after which she tilted her head to stare at him. Shisui looked at her from the corner of his eyes, liking what he was seeing: long slender legs, short white dress with no sleeves and pink hair brushing her arms. From his point of view, she looked like a really tasty lollipop, but he knew from experience that nothing good comes with women as beautiful as her.

Her dark green eyes investigated his black ones for quite a while. Disappointed that the man was ignoring her, Sakura looked at his nearly empty glass. "What are you drinking?" she asked on a sweet voice. Shisui looked at her for only a second before closing his eyes and deciding not to answer. Sakura pulled her chair closer to him and touching his elbow with hers. He looked again at her before retreating his arm from the countertop. His eyes glared at her as a warning before finishing his drink. "Aren't you cold," she said trying to stare into his eyes.

Shisui closed his eyes and sighed. He took out of his pocket a pair of handcuffs which he dropped between them. "Are you going to arrest me?" she joked amused by his reaction.

The man giggled as well. "A minor should not be in here," he stated tired from her pathetic tries to flirt with him. "Haruno Sakura, 16 years old, Sasuke's teammate and Tsunade-sama's pupil."

Sakura's eyes narrowed, unpleased to see that the man was actually aware of who she was. Not finding a way out, she smiled and turned to face the barman. "It is not illegal to be in here," she stated. "I did not order anything with alcohol."

"That does not mean that you can go around bothering people when they try to relax."

"Arrest me for that," she snorted. Shisui glared at her as he could not find any words to contradict her. The two stared at each other, each of them suddenly bothered by the presence of the other.

"You are well known for trying to get involved with men from my clan," he told her disgusted by her. The girl is very beautiful and he would not mind having a closer look but she is a minor and on top of that she has a bad reputation. Her looks alone are not enough to fool him. "Don't you feel bad for embarrassing your parents and your teachers with this attitude?"

Sakura clenched her fists for a second, ready to throw the man a hard punch before taking a deep breath and deciding it was not worth it. Catching everyone's attention is not part of her plan. She would only give him a reason to arrest her and that is his aim. She got up from the chair, glowering at the man as she walked away. It was not her lucky night. All she wanted was to have a better look at his eyes but he was not as friendly as he looked. Sakura knows about him, he is famous after all. As one of the strongest shinobi from Konoha, Shisui proved himself to be loyal and worthy, with no fears and no flaws, a man with a kind heart but who has no objections to killing. On top of that he is a very attractive man. Sakura felt how great he was just by sitting next to him. She wanted to use him for her experiments but it seems that his kindness is not as great as his status of a shinobi.

Outside was raining so Sakura rolled her eyes annoyed by her lack of luck for the night. She leaned next to the door and looked at the dark clouds covering the sky. It will take a while before the rain stops and she wanted to be back as soon as possible to write down everything she noticed about Shisui. There was not much but the information she gathered that night together with what she learned before will complete each other.

15 minutes later, Sakura was still there waiting for a miracle to happen. It was indeed not her lucky night as Shisui, who just got outside the bar, found himself bothered by the rain as well. He leaned over the wall, next to her, with his hands in his pockets and eyes closed. Sakura peeped at him from time to time, fascinated by his aura. He is a beautiful man, she thought trying to restrain herself from touching him. She learns from her mistake. Maybe in the past she was a foolish child with way too many hormones but now she is a woman with pride. She will never fall in love again. At least, not with a man. Sakura kept on staring at his eyes, noticing his long eyelashes. But she isn't there for love. She is there to examine her prey.

Unfortunately for Sakura, her pride lasted for two minutes before she grabbed a rock from the ground and threw it at the peaceful man. Shisui caught the rock before hitting his face and opened his eyes revealing his sharingan. That was what she wanted, his sharingan. He could catch the rock but he was not ready to stop her from cupping his face with her palls. Her sudden reaction caught him off guard. Green eyes stared into his red ones with fascination. In the last year she had the opportunity to see many sharingans but this one seems to be on fire. "Say, don't you want to give me these eyes of yours?" she asked stretching her fingers to his eyes. Only one if she could have…imagine that!

Shisui released the rock and violently grabbed her hands provoking pain waves through her arms. Despite this, Sakura portrayed no emotions on her face. She is not bothered by the physical pain. "Now I can arrest you without feeling bad," he growled bothered by her boldness. He can arrest her for assault and put her in a cell for a few months. There are rules in Konoha and one of them is to never attempt to steal a sharingan or byakugan. None of those matter to Sakura though. She has nothing to lose anymore.

Sakura giggled amused and leaned over his body, pressing her chest. "There is nothing you would not do for your clan," she reminded him. "I know about you just as you know about me." She always studies her prey beforehand. Uchiha Shisui is all she needs in order to complete her work. "Come with me," she released her hands, catching him off guard again, and motioned him to follow her. Shisui knows better when to stop but for some reason his feet moved without his consent. He blindly followed her through the rain, eyes not losing her sight. The two walked through the rain to the hospital. By the time they reached the hospital they were soaked to the skin.

From time to time Sakura looked over her shoulder to make sure the man was following her. Upon arriving at her office, she took out the key and unlocked the door. Shisui had the great opportunity to walk inside an office where not even Tsunade was allowed. He noticed her clothes gathered in three boxes, her toothbrush on the sink, a bra shamelessly lying on the bed which she once used to examine people. He forgot everything the moment he noticed the big drawings hanging on the wall: different types of sharingan thoroughly sketched accompanied by well-studied information. He froze in the middle of the room, not knowing what to think. He might have found a sociopath.

Sakura walked to a box and took out two towels. She covered her head with one of them and the other one she handed to him. Shisui looked from her to the towel and back to her before daring to take it. Sakura smiled as a response and walked to her desk. "Welcome to my hell," she laughed amused by his reaction.

Ever since Sasuke rejected her she could not see anything ahead of her. Everything she did was for him. His harsh words forced her to realize that she had nothing to live for anymore. She struggled and struggled, and the agony tore her apart. Being a medic suddenly disgusted her. When she moved in her office she made sure to have no mirrors there. Even to this day she cannot stand looking at her pitiful reflection. Since she hated everything she learned until that incident she had to come up with something new to know. She needed to keep her mind busy. "I will solve the blindness provoked by the sharingan," she proudly announced.

Shisui looked from the drawings to her. He noticed how her white dress became transparent, revealing her simple white bra. "You should change," he told her instead. Sakura looked at her dress and noticed what she was referring to.

"Do you mind?" she asked feeling way too lazy to change. Shisui shook his head as a reply and started using the tower to dry his hair. "What do you say? Unlimited usage of your sharingan without fearing you will go blind." She feels like a sales woman who tries to convince Shisui to buy something really cheap and of no value at a very high price.

"It is not hard to guess why we go blind."

"No, but if I find what exactly causes everything I can treat it."

Shisui sighed and walked to the chair next to Sakura. "I think Tsunade-sama is disappointed you are wasting your time with these things," he told her putting the towel on the chair. "You have a lot of potential as a medic so don't waste your time here."

She hates when people try to give her advices although they do not know her at all. Sakura tried to change the subject. "I am being nice. I asked for your help instead of trying to steal your eyes," she insisted.

Her eyes stared at his back until he closed the door and left her alone in the office. This is not the first time she gets rejected but somehow this time is different. It reminds her of the time Sasuke rejected her. She feels lonely, depressed and the agony is unbearable. He seemed different. When she approached him she felt like he was a man capable of really interesting conversations. She heard rumors about him and she thought she knew who he was but it looks like she knew too little. For some reasons, all the Uchihas reject her. Is she disgusting? Is there something wrong with her? Sakura slipped down the wall to the ground. She stretched her legs in front of her and hit the wall with her head. She is frustrated. She is so angry she could kill a man with no remorse. Why is everything happening to her? All her life she was dedicated to doing good and she never took a life to say that karma is punishing her. Where did she fuck everything up? Despite being considered smart she is very stupid. She fucked her life.

The tower fell on the ground as she hit her head again. "Stupid! Stupid!" she growled annoyed with herself and hit the wall again. "Fuck!" Maybe she should commit suicide and get it over and done with. There is really nothing to live for anymore.

As she was about to strangle herself, the door suddenly opened and Shisui walked back inside her office. She tried to hide her surprise by portraying a confident smile. "I knew you will be back," she shamelessly lied.

Shisui snorted as he sat next to her on the floor. He handed her a dose of hot coffee. He has no idea why he is back but for some reason those green eyes hunted his mind. He just had to come back and see her again. "Tell me more about this plan of yours."

She opened the dose, staring at the steam. "I have no plans…" she admitted. "Maybe some ideas…I want to see how far I can go without failing." She really does not care to save any more people. Nobody tries to save her either so why bother to do that? "I want to achieve something for my own pride." This was not the plan. She never intended to tell him that. She wanted to be confident about finding a cure, but she ended being proud of her pitiful obsession.

"It sounded better before," he admitted.

"So was my life before destroying it with a stupid past obsession." Only now she is aware of how many obsessions she has. Why didn't she give up on Sasuke before destroying herself? Was it worth it? Was destroying her his only objective? Sakura started giggling by herself. Who knows what life had planned for her? She finished her coffee and got up. "Want to waste your life with me?"

It is clear to him that she is a crazy person. What happened to this girl that she ended up like that? He is curios. Sakura threw her dose next to the trash bin and turned to hear his answer. _She is crazy_ , he concluded one more time. Why the fuck does he even want to be part of her shitty game? "Why the hell not?" Hell, he wants to see where this will take. Maybe she will actually accomplish something. They say that geniuses are crazy people not understood by others. Maybe he just doesn't understand her yet.

Excited by his answer she kneed in front of him and cupped his cheeks to have a better look at his dark eyes. She is fascinated by their beauty. Finally, there is a reason for her to keep on living her shitty and useless life. She will accomplish something new. "Do we start tomorrow?" she asked.

"Tomorrow I am going to Sunagakure for two weeks."

"I guess I can wait," she sighed disappointed. "But don't die. I need those eyes."

Shisui stared into her dark green eyes. He can tell that she does not value lives anymore but rather she is focused on her happiness only. She is egoistic. She is cruel. But above all, her desires have no limits. He feels like he just sold his soul to the devil. There are no chances for him to ever have a peaceful end. "There are other sharingan users," he reminded her. Sakura did not reply. Not because she didn't have arguments but because she didn't want him to hate her more than he already did. Of course, he can be replaced, but she needs his eyes. If he happens to die, well, it cannot be helped. She will find someone else. But she hates the idea of having to find another person. "Like Sasuke," he told her with no ill intention. Sakura transformed before his eyes. He could not believe she could get darker and crazier than she already was.

Sakura wanted to punch him in the face but she purposely missed and hit the wall behind him, cracking it and silencing him from saying more bullshit. She wants to tell him to never say that name in front of her but she does not want him to know her weakness. She must be strong. Out of the sudden she started laughing and got up. "I told you, I need those eyes."

Shisui was left without words. He is not the type to lose an argument but this time he would much rather lose it than having the conversation with her. There is no doubt that something is not right in her head. "You should see a doctor," he told her as he got up as well. "He can help you better than I can."

The girl smiled and bit her lower lip in a playful way. "Don't be silly. I am too messed to be fixed up."

* * *

 ** _This is my new fanfiction about Shisui and Sakura! Please leave me reviews with your opinions! ^.^_**


	2. Chapter 2

Sakura must admit that she waited for the days to pass to meet him again. She counted the days, including the hours, until he will land back in her office. She knew what she wanted to do, and she knew the exact steps and how long each one of them will take. All she needed was the man who had the most precious sharingan. Sakura waited and waited, sometimes fearing that he might not come back but she always tried to be confident. She soon realized that she had forgotten that feeling and she had no idea how to summon it, so she just waited and struggled every day. Sometimes, while she was resting in her bed, thinking about her research, she would go crazy, speaking on her own, contradicting her fears and sometimes pinching herself to shut up. "He might have died…" she whispered worried she had no chance to test his sharingan. As if possessed, she would get back her spirit and pinch her cheeks. "No, you are wrong!" she shouted back. From time to time she would imagine him back, on her chair, waiting for her to start her tests. "He will come back." She liked to believe that his return would be for her although she was fully aware that was impossible.

"I do not like him," she told herself out of the blue, fearing and suspecting herself. "There is really nothing to like about a man as cold as him," she insisted. The fear was there. The agony persisted. The pain never left her chest. He resembles Sasuke quite a lot and she fears she will mess up her life again. She cannot go through that again. She would rather die than fall in love again. Being stupid is tough, she concluded as she saw her reflection in her coffee. She hates herself. Seeing her reflection makes her sick. No woman should be a fool like she was. Now it is too late to know that even people in love should have pride. "I am not stupid anymore." Sakura watched her reflection as she talked on her own. Each day she is crazier and crazier. Eventually, her mind will no longer be hers. What will happen to her then?

Sensing his chakra in the building, Sakura jumped from her chair and looked around to make sure everything was in the right place. This time she will hide her bras away from his sight. Waiting and waiting she realized that he was not there for her but for his check up. He might not visit her that day. Fearing that might be true, she rushed outside her office looking for him. He has to at least say 'hi' to her. She was alone for so long that she longs to say at least 'hi'. She does not need more than that. She found him in room number 5 after very long minutes. Sakura wanted to enter but she petrified seeing he was with Tsunade and Ino. She longs to say 'hi' but not to them. They are the only people she dares not approach. They do not understand her. Shishi doesn't understand her either but he does not care to do it and she doesn't need it either. He can hate her and consider her crazy as long as she can say a few words to somebody. She is tired of having to answer her own questions.

They are speaking and smiling. He is smiling. "Why are you laughing?" she whispered jealous she cannot be there, part of that conversation. Tsunade is fine. Ino is fine. Shisui is fine. She would be the only crazy one there. _Then go inside without worries._ The coward she was, Sakura walked back to her office, locking the door and leaning over it. She avoided them for so long that she nearly forgot them, their faces and voices. "They seemed well." _Yes, they did._ Sakura felt a sudden wave of jealousy. Everyone must be doing well while she is agonizing on her own. They tried, she is aware of that, but they should have tried harder! Sakura undressed her coat and threw it on the ground as if punishing it. "Why the fuck were they smiling?!" she questioned hitting the floor with her foot. _Oh, they know I am fucking crazy so they don't bother anymore._ "Is that it?" _What else would it be? They have their lives in order._ "Fuck!" she covered her face with her bands and dug her nails in her head. The physical pain is nothing compared to her emotional one. She sometimes wishes she were normal. She wishes she were stronger. How the fuck did she survive her first heartbreak? What was different then that she could not do it again? "They should have helped me…" she whispered with trembling lips. Naruto is such a strong shinobi…why could he not pull her out of her misery.

Blood slipped down her temples. The smell of iron is calming her down. "No, I don't care." She has her plans and she will succeed. Just watch her. She will become an amazing person again and Sasuke will regret rejecting her. Sakura took her coat from the floor and walked back to the desk. Her purpose now is not to make friends or salute people. She will make a name of her own and prove everyone she is doing great. It does not need to be true as long as it is fooling everyone else.

They say that seclusion makes people crazy. Speaking alone and running away from ghosts of her past, Sakura is without mistake on the road of craziness. For some reason she is aware of this but she does not mind going mad. Sakura giggled on her own imagining her future self after she succeeds. "Will I be happy then?" she asked herself. _What is happiness?_ Right, what does happiness feel like? She was happy before, or at least she believes she was, so why the hell is she alone now? Happiness alone is not good enough for her. She wants more…she wants…Sakura smashed her fists on the table annoyed. "No!" She doesn't want that bastard anymore. She is not a masochist. Who the hell needs a retard like Sasuke? She will create her happiness. Just watch! She will make it happen and then he will knee before her, asking her to take him back but she will spew on his face and walk away. "I will do that, won't I?" she asked with trembling lips. She will be strong, right?

That day Shisui did not come to visit but the next day, early in the morning he knocked at her door. She was still sleeping, dressed in a plain long shirt. _Nobody comes to visit me_ , she told herself putting her head back on the pillow. Who the fuck would want to approach her nowadays?

"It is me," his voice invaded her gloomy office. Sakura tilted her head to stare at the door. She is tired of waiting. Yesterday she waited and waited and he did not come. "I know you are there," he insisted.

"Go home," she whispered lacking the power to make herself heard. She didn't eat anything yesterday because she wanted to be in her office in case he decided to come.

"I am not coming back if I leave now," he threatened.

Sakura dragged her feet to the door, too tired to work and too lazy to speak with someone. She cracked the door open only to see if he was alone, before fully opening it and inviting him in. Aware that she was wearing only a plain long shirt, she went searching for something to wear, leaving him to find his way inside.

The office is so dark that he felt like a black hole was pulling him in. He touched the wall until he found a switcher and turned on the lights. Sakura was casually dressing a pair of black shorts. He turned his head away, closing the door behind him and walking to the desk. _That woman has really no shame_ , he thought as he sat down. Sakura caught her hair in a low ponytail, trying to look at least a little bit nice before approaching him. Seeing his face revigorated her.

"You are late," she growled as she sat on the edge of the desk to face him. She has this feeling she cannot truly name. His presence there is very reassuring. "I was waiting yesterday."

"I was busy," he shrug his shoulders not impressed by her words. Actually, he wanted to come but he had the check up which took quite a while, after which he had to write a report and hand it in by the end of the day. He sensed her in the hospital and though he spotted her when he was speaking with Tsunade and Ino but she disappeared so fast that he missed her completely. Itachi was also very keen on meeting him and by the time he finished everything, it was too late to visit her.

Sakura bit her lower lip trying to restrain herself from getting violent. Hitting him would not help her case. She has to be nice and give him reasons to always come back. She has no right to be angry anyway. "I have many plans," she said as she cupped his cheeks. The temptation was so strong that she could not restrain herself anymore. She had to touch him and closely look at his eyes. "I've missed you."

Shisui remained emotionless as he was aware that she was speaking with his eyes and not with him. For her, he can be dead as long as she has those eyes. _But these hands are warm,_ he though. Sakura caressed his cheeks with her thumbs, giving in to the warmth of his body. It has been a very long time since she touched someone. Before, when she was testing other Uchihas, she never touched them. She barely spoke to them. All she did was looking at the sharingan, drawing it and writing down information provided by those men. But they would come only once or twice before deciding she was way too nuts to continue. Sometimes, when madness was at its greatest, she would visit the morg, checking if any Uchiha died. Still, she never stole an eye.

Now she is touching the flesh of a living person. It feels much better than touching a corpse. Sakura bit her lower lip. She was hungry a few minutes ago but seeing those eyes she is back on her feet. It would be nice if this feeling never vanished. She likes having company. "Should we start?" she asked not waiting for his reply. "I will draw all the stages of your sharingan."

She grabbed a pen and paper and waited for Shisui to activate his miracle eyes. He never forgot how crazy she really was but he missed noticing her dedication towards work. Or maybe she is simply obsessed but her dedication for this mania is admirable. He noticed her well-kept nails. He saw the look on her face as she was drawing. She seems happy. Maybe she can still be saved. He has no idea from what she should be saved from but maybe she is responsible for her misery as well. Maybe she should be saved from herself.

Her drawing is very accurate, and she seems to know very well the anatomy of the eye. She drew all the details, including the optic nerve and the macula.

"Why are you drawing those details?" he asked curios of her response.

"This is how a healthy eye should look like. After I finish, I will check your eyes and see what damage you have." Her explanations are simple and she tries to provide him the needed information. He has no idea why she is so…he could use the word 'nice' but that is not the right word. Maybe she is telling him things to make him feel secure. 'Security' is not the word either. She has times when she simply doesn't reply. When that happens, he does not insist but pretends he does not need an answer. She often contradicts herself and her attitude sometimes proves him just how amiable she can be. Everything is natural.

 _She uses colors,_ he noticed. A strand of hair is solitarily forgotten in her shirt while the rest is caught in a messy ponytail. Her green eyes seem to have a lighter color today. She seems at peace as she works. Doing nothing all day long and having nobody to speak with would maybe anyone mad. His eyes fell on her chest: she doesn't wear a bra and her nipples are hard. Her breasts are small enough to fit in only one of his hands. He noticed the first time as well that she is very attractive despite her unkept figure. Her pink hair and green eyes are like the perfect personification of Spring. She is beautiful. Why is she so beautiful? Why is he attracted to her?

"Ok," she exclaimed as she finished her piece of art. Shisui was brought back to reality and averted his eyes away from her. "Let's check those eyes, shall we?" His eyes turned back to black and he sighed exhausted. He did nothing at all but her beauty kept him busy. "I will use some eyedrops to dilate your pupils," she informed him. She wants him to trust her so she informs him whenever she is about to do something which might alert him.

Waiting for the effect of the drops, they both remained in silence for what seemed like very long, pressing hours. None of them wants to speak more than needed with the other but both of them want to know each other better. She has questions only he can answer her but what is the point of knowing since she has no desires in helping others? It would be nice to know if Tsunade is in good health and if Ino is happy. She is curious if Naruto is still struggling to become Hokage. To her surprise, he gave her all the space she needed and he never bothered her. Sakura wants to know about Kakashi and about Sandaime as well but she cannot ask. She has to look strong in front of him. She mustn't give in.

Sakura leaned closer to him and started the check-up. Her smell of soap and dust is tickling his nostrils. Her fingers are moving on his temples, sending her chakra through his nerves and veins. Surprisingly, her chakra is very pleasant and somehow peaceful. Anyone would like her if she were a little bit more normal. It is clear she is kind and loving but her mind is completely messed up. He can hear her from time to time incoherently mumbling words and she seems to be answering her own doubts. _She is speaking with her demons_ , he concluded. He doesn't want to be nice to her, he mustn't. She will find his weakness and make use of it and after that he will not be able to get rid of her. He must push her away when she finishes her work or she will keep on coming back to him.

Her nipples are occasionally poking his chest. He mustn't show on his face the effect she has on him. Today, he cannot react like normal men do. He must keep his distance.

What he doesn't know is that he also has an effect on her. She is trying her best to breathe normally and not give in to her weakness. From time to time she looks at him to see if he notices the effect he has on her. _This is not love,_ she confidently confessed. "Yeah, it is not," she answered out loud. She won't feel embarrassed for speaking on her own. Shisui knows very well she is crazy so she can be herself. He doesn't seem bothered by it.

When she finished the check up she became aware that the whole time she was staring in his eyes, he was doing the same thing. Her hands remained on his shoulders. None of them dares to look away. _This is dangerous,_ she thought aware of the attraction. She mustn't give in.

A lot of will was needed for Sakura to turn her back and write down everything she learned from the check-up. Shisui was grateful that she made the first move because he was completely caught in the moment.

"Tomorrow I want to see how your sharingan works in combat."

"You want to fight me?" he asked liking the idea. He is also curios to see how strong is Tsunade's pupil.

Sakura searched his face before answering. He really wants to have a match with her. "Don't be silly. I could kill you," she mocked. She hasn't fought in one year, so her technique is rusty. She cannot win against him.

Shisui rolled his eyes and got up from the chair. "Then I can go home."

"Tomorrow at 7 pm, at training ground number 6."

"So late?"

"I want to see how it works during the night as well."

She felt lonely after he left so for long hours she remained isolated in her office. This is why she hates having company. After they leave she will be again alone with her demons. She wanted to follow him and tell him they should try it that evening but then tomorrow she will be for sure alone so she preferred to see him tomorrow.

The next day she left the hospital in the morning, before Tsunade or Ino coming and risking to meet them in the hallways, and rushed to the training ground. When she goes outside she always has to make sure she doesn't meet her past friends because they will cling on her, ask her things and she will get violent with them and push them away.

Sakura rested in the shadow of a tree and waited for the hours to pass. Will he come earlier? "Why would he do that?" Sakura shook her head and occupied her time: she gathered medical plants. But gathering plants is not pleasant when it is very hot and you have no gloves so she released her body from all the clothes restraining her and jumped in the small lake. It did not use to be there but probably it was created during some training. Sakura floated in the water for a while, staring at the fluffy clouds. During this one year she forgot how to enjoy small things. Really, what kept her busy one whole year when she did almost nothing.

"Have I lost everything, including shame?" she asked herself realizing she was stark naked in open space. "Yeah, I did," she answered herself with no remorse. Who the fuck cares if she is naked or not? Nobody! Nobody cares about her nowadays. Everyone is living without even remembering her. Why the hell is she not sad at all thinking about that? Is there really nothing left in her?

Sakura patiently waited for Shisui to come. When she felt like it was high time he came, she dressed and waited under a tree. Shisui arrived 15 minutes earlier than planned and was surprised she was already there. The two looked at each other without saluting. There is no need for a conversation. Everything is related to work and they don't need to know each other better.

"Now what?" he asked eager to see her plan but without showing his emotions.

"I will show you things and you will have to copy me."

"Again, it sounded better before," he confessed dissatisfied.

"This is not training. I am testing your sharingan."

Both of them sat near the lake and Sakura handed him a piece of paper and a pen. "I will write things and please copy the way my pen moves without looking at what I write." She did not write anything in particular, she just moved the pen pretending to write something. Her eyes constantly stared at his and watched how the sharingan reacted. It was fascinating, amazing. The sharingan remained strong even when there was no light. The fascination increased with each test. Sakura made so many notes that she feared she will not have enough blank pages on her.

Everything was normal for Shisui. He didn't really understand her amazement. On occasions she seemed funny but he did not say anything. Shisui noticed then that behind her cold clay mask lies a kind and sometimes childish person. Things like this make him wonder what happened to her that she had to change so much. He saw Sakura before, shortly after she became genin, and he could not believe his eyes how much she changed since then. Back then she was always smiling and her willingness to help impressed him. He saw her only once but he could tell that she was without mistake a good person. Compared to now, it is like they are two different people.

Sakura leaned closer to check his heart rate. "Everything is normal," she concluded. Using his sharingan did not exhaust him too much. Sakura looked up only to meet a pair of black eyes staring closely at her. They sit very close to each other; if he leans over, he can touch her forehead with the tip of his nose. The two looked at each other with emotionless eyes and blank minds. She knew she was close but she didn't think it was intimate. Back to the times she was a doctor, she always sat this close to her patients to check them up. This feels different. _Why is it different?_ she wondered.

In the end, Shisui could not restrain himself anymore. His fingers reached her hips and gently moved up to her middle. He confidently grabbed her waist to keep her still as he leaned closer. Sakura remained motionless. She was surprised by her lack of reaction. If she doesn't move he will kiss her. On second thoughts, it doesn't sound bad. Her heart screams 'yes' while her mind is telling her to be strong and resist. Sakura slowly tilted her head at the side, brushing the tip of her nose over his. _There is someone for everybody,_ she concluded when he pressed his lips over hers. _I was obsessed with an illusion._ Why didn't she think like this one year ago? His tongue slipped between her lips searching for hers. Their tips touched for a second before she pulled her tongue away. She looked in his eyes, searching for an answer: why are they kissing. She relaxed her muscles under his gaze. Her palms rested on his shoulders, arching her back until her chest was pressed over his. As result to her reaction, his grip got tighter around her middle, pressing his hips against hers. Their tongues found each other again, shily touching.

Her first kiss tasted like regret for wasting her life and giving in to some ridiculous love. Now it is too late for her to change back to what she used to be. She cannot accept love anymore and she will never have the desire to be with another man.


	3. Chapter 3

The scene is still playing in the water drops from the shower, surrounding Sakura in a fairytale like atmosphere. The kiss felt right but it is not something she would like to repeat any time soon. She is not with Shisui to become his lover but to find a treatment for blindness after which they will never meet again. How can she stop the development before it is too late? Upon touching her lips, she noticed they were still pulsing for more. "This is not love…" she repeated over and over again. She cannot fall in love again and destroy her life. Sakura hit the wall in front of her with her fist and rested her forehead over it. It will not work. He is so much older than her and he doesn't care about her. He is not even trying to understand her. _It won't work._ "It doesn't need to!" she shouted bothered by her thoughts. Her friends told her to find a new love and get over the old one but she doesn't feel like she is ever capable of falling in love again. Love is a painful feeling she would like to never experience again. So, this is most likely not love but the pleasure provoked by having company again. "Please..."

Sakura banged her head in the wall to focus the pain away from her heart. The memory of her last heart break is so clear in her mind and soul that she feels like she is still living that moment over and over again. Shortly after their last mission together as team 7, Sakura took the opportunity to confess while she was healing Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke just looked at her, without even considering her words. He heard them and ignored them as he always does when he isn't interested in certain subjects. _"This again?"_ he asked disappointed in her lack of dignity. _"This is really bothersome and annoying."_ That was all he said before getting up and leaving her there, on her knees, staring at the ground. For long hours she sat there like a stone, playing the moment in her head, feeling like she imagined everything. Sasuke would not betray her like that, would he? He did not reject her again in a brutal way, did he? Everything felt unreal and she remained there, as if waiting for him to return and tell her he was wrong.

"Where was I wrong?" Sakura looked up, drops of water crushing over her face and entering into her eyes. "It wasn't supposed to be like that..." Her eyes are stinging. This feeling is so nostalgic. She feels like she is about to cry but there are no tears to shed. She wasted all her tears one year ago when she cried like there was no tomorrow. Now she is in the future, and she has nothing left to live for or with. A new path is needed but she feels like she walks on the same old one. She hasn't changed one bit.

Time doesn't necessarily make us stronger, especially if it passes with no purpose. One year ago she wouldn't have believed that she could run with the tail between her legs. She was always vulnerable but she never backed off from a challenge or from a fight. "This time is different." This time she will not get emotionally involved with anything. _Isn't it right?_ "Of course it is!" Sakura shook her head until she went dizzy. "Fuck!" she smashed both fists into the wall, cracking the faience. "Fuck me!" Who is the wrong one? Was she wrong for leaving everything behind? How else could she forget him? Or, she isn't supposed to forget those things. Must she really live with this mistake for the rest of her life? She is a coward but she wants to save herself.

"Am I…" Sakura bit her lips until blood rushing out. "Am I running around my tail?"

Loneliness is not a problem if it is for a short while but if one year later you are still alone you should expect long conversations with yourself. Sakura needs company and she longs to be with her friends but the problem is she dares not approach them. They will ask her things she does not want to talk about. How will they react when they see her speaking by herself? Sakura couldn't approach them even if she wanted to. There is no way back to what she used to be.

The memory of the kiss hunted her mind again and Sakura remembered the warmth of his touch: his warm hands, his long fingers, their bodies against each other and the kiss. All of these thoughts seem to refill her with emotions she long forgot. She feels like she could cry again. _There are all kinds of men in this world,_ she thought, touching her lips again. All this time she was obsessed with Sasuke that she failed to see the beauty in other men. Shisui is without mistake a beautiful, attractive man and she should thank him for making her realize this. _I was obsessed with an illusion._ Sasuke was never the boy she thought he was but she hoped. She though he will change for her but in reality he changed her to this creature. She is not a human being, not anymore.

The wind coming inside through the window made Sakura shiver as she stepped outside the shower. She brushed some strands of hair with the towel, eyes looking around the room until she noticed a pair of blue eyes fixing her. Sakura tried to remain emotionless but her lips parted as she realized Ino was leaning over the wall, hands crossed over her chest, looking at her with intensity. The past keeps on approaching her no matter how hard she tries to run away. _It has its own feet,_ she tried to joke and mock herself. Of course it does since her past consist on people who also walk ahead. Sakura covered her body with the wet towel, eyes fixing Ino the way a person looks at a dangerous animal which can attack anytime. Her clothes lie right behind Ino and since she does not want to approach her she has to wait for Ino to move. The wind hardened her nipples, rubbing against the rough fabric and making her feel uncomfortable.

None of them could speak in the beginning. Ino had several intentions but each time she opened her mouth her lips shut back, Sakura's stare silencing her. She knew Sakura changed a lot but seeing her up close she feels like she tries to speak with a brick of ice. Nothing lies behind her dull green eyes. Despite all of this, Ino thought that Sakura looks fragile and powerless: she lost a lot of weight and she has injuries all over her face. They shouldn't have left her alone.

"You seem fine," Ino lied, words directed to herself. Sakura did not reply but simply stared back at her. "When are you coming back to work?" she tried again.

"I am working on my own research." Ino raised a questions eyebrow, suggesting Sakura to continue. "I want to cure the blindness provoked by the sharingan."

Ino felt her heart squeezing in pain as she heard her best friend. Or former best friend. The girl in front of her is nothing but a shell of her friend. Ino also loved Sasuke but after destroying Sakura as if she were nothing, she could not bring herself to even think about him. He no longer matters if he cannot even treasure his teammate. "Give up on that bastard!" Ino shouted as she took a step closer to Sakura. "Why do you care anyway?"

Sakura could not take her eyes away from Ino. Her enraged face is so expressive: cheeks slightly pink, gritting teeth, eyes on fire. It has been a very long time since she last saw someone getting angry on her. "I am not doing this for anyone but for myself."

"Lies! How is the sharingan no related to him?" Ino hit her tights with her palms as she angrily looked at Sakura. The pink haired girl cannot lie to her without her realizing it.

"I am over that. I also do not want to hear that name again." It felt like the voice was not hers: it was weak, more like a whisper. She wanted to sound as a confident person but for some reason she could not accentuate the words the way she wanted. She sounded melancholic. Why? She does not care about Sasuke anymore and she does not need to prove anyone anything but she has no confidence in what she is now.

Ino kept on staring at Sakura, trying to figure out if the girl is shamelessly lying to her. "This is why you run after other Uchihas?" Ino asked trying to believe Sakura. She wants to believe her friend.

"I do not run after them. I ask them to help me."

Sakura's words gave Ino the drive to jump ahead, reaching Sakura with her hands and pulling her in a tight hug. Ino wants to help Sakura but how can she make her forget a man whom she always loved? They have known Sasuke since they were little. It is hard to erase such a memory. Ino feels like she is hugging a brick of ice. Even though she has Sakura in her hands she feels like she cannot reach her. Her grip got tighter, Ino resting her face over Sakura's wet shoulder and hair.

It was not easy watching Sakura break to small pieces. She never wanted to leave Sakura alone but she was so scared seeing her that she turned her back so she did not need to witness everything. Ino never believed in giving one space to solve their problems but she lacked the confidence and power to approach Sakura. Believing that Sakura will eventually get over it helped her a lot but Sakura did not surpass her heartbreak. Ino is responsible for what Sakura became. No, everyone is responsible because each of them abandoned Sakura in a way or another. None of them wanted to carry the weight of such responsibility so they brushed everything off.

The pink haired kunoichi was surprised by Ino's sudden hug. Sakura was not expecting Ino to be so bold. The hug is making her want to give in to its warmth and hug Ino back. _I have to be strong…I must…_ She longed for a hug like this for one full year and now that she has it she is confused. How is supposed to answer it? _He was warm as well._ Everyone around her is warm but she is cold like a corpse. What can she do to have a heart again?

Sakura wanted to get away from her but Ino's words weakened her, breaking her will. "I am sorry," she whispered in Sakura's ear, voice shaking. The words resonated in her head over and over again until her feet gave in and Sakura fell through Ino's hands to the flood. The blond also dropped on her knees and pulled Sakura back to her chest, patting her wet hair. _She is crying,_ Sakura noticed before Ino could hide her face in her pink hair. "I should have been stronger…"

 _No, I should have been stronger,_ Sakura thought leaning in the hug. If anyone is at fault then she is. Nobody is responsible for how she focalizes her feelings. _I run around my tail._ The awareness is always there but she has no idea how to be tougher. Looking up, her eyes fell on the mirror, the object she desperately avoided for one year, and she clearly saw her reflection. Her bangs grew long enough to touch her jaws and her hair lost its shine. She has terrible dark circles under her eyes and her face is white. She is the perfect representation of an evil spirit. Blood rushes down her face and falls over Ino's clothes. _I used to be beautiful,_ she thought with regret, brushing her cheeks with her fingers. She used to shine and she had a bright future ahead but everything is lost. _I was stupid._ Regretting everything now is too late. She cannot change time. _But time changed me._

Sakura broke free from the hug and jumped on her feet, towel remaining in Ino's hands. There is no place for apologies. She destroyed her life with her own hands. If she were smarted, she wouldn't have needed anyone to save her. She came this far alone so she must continue walking ahead on her own. The surprise on Ino's face and the determination proven by Sakura are proofs that she can walk on her own. Ino has to accept that as well. It is too late to want to get close to her.

"Don't be stupid," Sakura said, her voice becoming strong and cold again. The confidence is back and it is there to stay. "I don't need your apology." Grabbing her dress, Sakura turned to look at Ino's back as she changed. The girl remained on her knees, eyes staring at the towel. It pains Sakura to see Ino like this but thanks to her she is strong again. She nearly cave in to Shisui's kiss and Ino's warmth. The last thing she wants is to love someone again: friends or potential lovers. "I am fine," she promised as she walked outside the bathroom, leaving Ino there just the way Sasuke left her one year ago. _This is so wrong._ She stopped, trying her best to convince her feet to move back to the bathroom. If Ino changes because of her she will never forgive herself. Changing to what she is now is painful. She would much rather be rejected again by that bastard than living the life she has now.

Despite her strong desire to go back, her feet took her to the office. She did not even look over her shoulder to see if Ino come out. Being selfish for so long has permanent impact. Even if she wants to, she cannot be nice to anyone again.

Sakura worked the next days like a crazy person, rewriting everything, analyzing all the details she got from other Uchihas and combining everything in only one report. By the time she managed to finish everything, four days had passed without her even taking a break to grab something to eat. Her research could come to an end soon so she must work hard. But of course, nothing was concluded.

The hunger won and Sakura was eventually forced to leave her room and go find something to eat. On her way out, she spotted Ino helping a patient walk. She stopped in the hallway, staring at Ino with intensity. Everything looks fine from behind but Sakura knows better. Ino must look tired from all the nights she spent blaming herself, remembering everything Sakura bluntly told her.

Feeling the stares, Ino turned her head to look at Sakura and it was just as she predicted. The two girls looked at each other and it felt like the moment stopped just so they could silently comfort each other. Sakura cannot show any emotions now but Ino most likely understands that she regrets leaving her alone. Otherwise, Sakura wouldn't have stopped to check up on her. Ino turned her head back at the man she was helping, leaving Sakura with a strange feeling of loneliness. _She will be fine._ Sakura kept on looking at Ino for a longer period of time, seeing her gentle attitude towards the man she was helping and making her regret refusing her help.

Sakura turned on her heels and continued her trip outside the hospital. For some reason she is in a very bad relationship with time. She is always late or she is always left behind. Time stopped for her one year ago and no matter how further ahead she might be walking she is not growing as a person. The sadness she feels...the loneliness...the regret of being what she is now...the pain of being left behind by everyone only to outrun them and leave them in her past...the desire to be with those whom she wants to forget...the warm feeling she still has on her lips...the devastation she felt one year ago...the feeling of being unworthy...the realization that she will never be more than the woman rejected by Sasuke...the lack of impact from the struggles to be stronger... All of them are nothing but a reminder that she is the same weak person she always was. She cannot surpass that feeling of being rejected by Sasuke. That memory playing in her head even now is nothing but her regret. She could have slapped him. She could have badmouthed him. But she didn't. She walked with her head down. Now, it is too late to walk with her head up because she cannot erase history. _Fuck me!_

Shisui was outside the hospital, resting over fence, eyes staring at the dark sky. _It will rain._ She thought as she looked up as well. She never notices the important things on time.

"I thought you died," he told her relieved she was alive. He paid her a visit two days ago but there was no reply from her. He knocked at her door and told her he will never be back if she doesn't open but he was completely ignored.

His voice was the escaped she was unconsciously looking for. All her worries are lifted from her shoulders. Shisui is the only person out there who doesn't know her embarrassing past. She can look straight into his eyes without him seeing the stupid woman she was. Everything seems easier when he is there. Although he is cold towards her, she cannot seem to push him away.

 _Why did you kiss me,_ she wanted to ask but decided it is better not to. She knows it is not love. "Don't be stupid. If I could die I wouldn't be living this life." There was so much truth in her words that he could not say anything. She tried to strangle herself a couple of times but each time she was too weak to finish her meaningless life. The he resembles Sasuke is outrageous but she cannot hate someone just because of that. He is disgusting when she thinks about that but she still likes his presence.

The silence was pressing on his chest. He does not want to know more than she just told him. "Going out?"

"Just for something to eat." Sakura walked ahead, followed by him. She glanced at him a couple of times but decided it is not worth speaking more than they already did. He will most likely follow her to her destination and keep her company, with or without her consent. She might as well accept it now. Shisui followed her from behind, hands in his pockets as he walked. His eyes wandered from people to shops and back at her. It is hard to say why he decided to follow her but as always, he cannot command his body the way he wants in her presence. "Searching for anything?" she questioned.

Shisui shrug his shoulders as he caught up with her, walking in the same line. "One can never know where danger can come from."

"I believe we can," she pointed to a surveillance camera shifting in another direction.

"Those are not very reliable." Sakura decided to keep quiet. The Uchiha clan came with that amazing idea to install those cameras for better security and now he tells her how unreliable they are? "Where are you heading?"

"Ichiraku, I guess."

"See you there." With one jump he was no longer near her. She did not bother to look over her shoulder and continued her trip to Ichiraku. Her stay there was not very long and Shisui failed to show up before she left. Still, for some reason she did not understand, she told Ayame to inform Shisui that she went back to her office; just in case he decided to show up at Ichiraku. Sakura had two bowls of pork ramen which she finished faster than Naruto. The idea of wasting too much time there and risking meeting Naruto gave her the needed drive to eat everything without taking a break. With a full stomach, Sakura walked back to her office, not without making a stop at the market to buy some bottles of water and something sweet. She is slowly running out of money. The money she has now will be enough for another week or two after that she will have to survive with plain water from the bathroom.

That night Konoha was hit by heavy rain and loud thunders. Sakura liked the sound on the background, cracking the window up to hear better. She corrected some errors and came up with new ideas. Her concentration was disturbed around 11 in the night when Shisui knocked at her door. She had mixed feelings about whether or not she should let him in but she decided some company will not harm her. Shisui was wet from running through the rain so she landed him a towel and went back to her work. The girl told him to lock the door behind and for the next hour she completely forgot about him. When she finally remembered that she was not alone she found Shisui resting in her bed, shirtless. Her former self would have died of embarrassment but the current Sakura was bothered that he was wetting her sheets. She wanted to invite him outside but seeing him asleep, she kept her lips shut and turned back to work until a lightning struck the hospital and cut off the light.

It's been so long since the last time she worked in company of other people. For some reason she feels at peace being in his company. How is that even possible? Not being able to continue her work, she got up and walked to the bed. Her office is not very big. There are only a few steps from the desk to the so called bed, while the desk is only 6 steps away from the door and from the sink. Everything is minimalized in a small room where she feels comfortable enough to prefer it over her bedroom at her parent's home. Her eyes searched his face, noticing his long eyelashes again and his lips. _Why did you kiss me?_ She wants to ask but he might ask her why she kissed him back and she has no answer for that. She simply got carried away by the moment.

"Defenseless," she mumbled as she looked at his sleeping face. She used to believe in everyone and this is where all of that took her. Of course, she knows that he is much stronger than her and he is not emotionally involved in anything, as a real shinobi should be. She followed him for his sharingan and now she looks at him for company. Sakura shook her head bothered by the idea of having him as company. _He mustn't see my weakness._ Sakura clenched her right fist and threw a punch at him. Shisui caught her fist in his open palm and opened one of his eyes.

"What are you trying to do?" he growled.

"Go home! Why the fuck are you here?!"

Sakura retreated her punch only to throw it again at him. Her punch hit the pillow, Shisui jumping on his rear. He has no idea why he is there but he did not want to go back home. In the beginning, the last thing he wanted was for her to notice his weaknesses and make use of them. _But she won't do that._ They did not spend that much time together but he is aware that Sakura would not bother to look for a weakness. Her eyes see nothing but her future success. She could not see his weakness even if he showed it to her now. _She is selfish._ Seeing her like that makes him want to forcibly open her eyes. Sakura lives in her own dream right now and she is impossible to reach with plain words. She needs a good beating.

"I can't be here?" he finally asked seeing the hatred in her eyes. _What broke you?_ There are many questions he wants to ask but he would rather not. She will only push him away if he gets too pushy. "You let me in," he reminded her before she could answer. His eyes watched her bit her lips annoyed, trying to keep the words inside. _Why restraining yourself at this point,_ he sighed. She keeps many things inside. Despite trying to act easy going and open when she flirts, she is a really dark person. She has some recent scars on her forehead and her lips are chopped.

Sakura freed her fist from his grip intending to try again but she stopped when her eyes locked with his. The way she is right now she cannot even gather chakra for a strong punch. "I want to go to sleep," she lied trying to smile. Violence won't work. It never did.

Shisui grabbed her from behind her neck and pulled her closer, their foreheads bumping together. "You are a pain in my ass," he confessed. "Changing moods like the fucking weather from outside, you are never predictable. Are you on some drugs?" The cop inside of him feels like he is called for duty. How can anyone always have their eyes clouded like this?

"Trying to arrest me again?" she grinned. "Should I remind you that you are bothering me and not the other way around?"

There it goes again, changing her mood as fast as the lightening. She completely leaned over him, breasts pressed over his chest. Is she aware of how undefined she is? Her personality shifts from dark to flirty like a drunk person.

"Or," she continued getting serious, "how you kissed a minor although you are over 21 years old?"

He narrowed his eyes bothered by the way she said those words. "I did not force you."

"The law does not work like that," she reminded.

Her words are hurting him. Shisui did not kiss her to harass her. Something about her lips felt really appealing. "Don't!" he growled hurt by her insinuation.

"Why are you still here?" she asked bothered.

Indeed, why still bothering with her? Shisui clenched her hair and pulled her away from him. Sakura fell on her rear on the bed and looked at him with dark eyes. Getting involved with the crazy is the worst call ever. He should have ignored her that night. His fingers kept her hair in a tight squeeze. Sakura did not jerk in pain but kept still as if leaning in the pain. Disgusted by her reaction, he released her hair and took a step back. The lightning is the only source of light in that room, giving them a view of each other.

"I will leave then," he angrily uttered as he turned to walk away.

 _(***I recommend reading this part while listening to Olivia Lufkin - Recorded butterflies***)_

She watched his back with a pit in her stomach as he walked to the door. But she will not stop him. His presence is bothersome, and she hates the desires she has when she sees him. She is no longer the weak girl who needs company of others and she definitely does not need love. Love is clouding her view. Not seeing him in the darkness anymore, Sakura looked towards her desk which was covered in papers. That is the only thing she needs now.

The click coming from the door and the sound of the thunder jerked her in his direction, arm trying to reach him in the darkness. Clenching his shirt, she folder her free hand around his middle and pressed her body over his. _Fuck!_ Her cheek rested on his scapula. _He is wet but warm._

Sakura's cold body rested over his back, remembering him she is nothing but an empty shell. "What?" he questioned not turning around. One moment ago she wanted him gone and how she wants him to stay.

Her heart is racing. Her fingers are slightly trembling. Sakura closed her eyes, fearing he might see the battle going on inside her heart. She wants him gone but she wants to keep him there, to keep her company. They don't need to speak but she wants to feel his presence there. His chakra which is warm and reassuring makes her feel safe in front of her daemons.

"Stay..." Sakura bit her lips, not believing her ears. "Please." _No...please god give me strength._ She folded her other arm around him and clasped her fingers together over her chest. "Don't think too much about this," she begged whispering.

Sometimes, Sakura seems alien to him. Her voice turns into a sweet whisper which enchants him to the point he longs to hear her voice more often. The more she speaks the harder it gets to part from her. He loves that voice so much that he finds her lips appealing. Maybe this is why he kissed her. Just as expected her lips were the sweetest thing he tasted. Behind her noh mask lies a frightened girl who wants some light in her life. "Stop punishing yourself. It is really annoying seeing you like this."

"You do not know my pain. Don't judge what you do not know." Her voice remained sweet as she spoke. The old Sakura is surfacing, fighting to push the clay mask aside. _Give me strength!_

"Don't you wish people knew you?" he grabbed her fingers, gently trying to release himself from her tight grip.

"No," she sincerely answered. Nobody needs to know this new Sakura.

Her grip loosened and Shisui managed to break free, turning around and grabbing her hands in his. The two looked at each other. Black eyes stared into green, cloudy ones. Her rosy lips are slightly parted, occasionally trembling trying to speak. No words leave her lips but she still wants to tell him something. Shisui pulled her closer, leaning towards her. She had time to turn away her head and avoid his kiss but she remained still, waiting for him to reach her lips. It is strange how she pushed Ino away but longs to have Shisui. He is a man she does not even know. He could break her heart just as Sasuke did and she will suffer again. Their lips locked in a short kiss.

"Why does love change people?" she asked, the question directed more to herself than to him. "I don't think I will ever..."

Shisui did not reply but folded his hands around her and pushed her towards the bed. He cannot reply to something he does not really know either. He knows how to love his family, the village and the clan but he never loved anyone as a lover. _The smell of soap, her tender fingers and her voice are something worth loving_ , he thought as they leaned over the bed. He could fall in love with her if she were willing to love him back but she just confessed that she will never love again. Unwillingly, Sakura just told him her weakness: a man from the past took advantage of her.

"Then don't," he whispered in her ear making her shiver. Her body stiffened under his weight, part of her wanting to continue and part of her crying for everything to stop.

 _I won't commit myself to this,_ she promised herself feeling his cold hands underneath her shirt. His touch is cold but her body is slowly warming up, pulsing for more.

"This won't do," he whispered against her lips, making her open her eyelashes and look at his serios face. She was willing to have sex with him, to make time pass faster. No, that is a lie. She swallowed ashamed of how she just gave herself to him. Part of her hopes Shisui will erase Sasuke's memory. Nobody wishes more than her to return to her old self.

"Why..." she grabbed his shirt and pulled him back over her.

Shisui grabbed her hands, releasing his shirt, and kissed her fingers before getting on his fit. "Come looking for me when you can give me more than just this." He will not be back. Their deal ended and as he initially intended, he will not meet her again. Maybe she is not aware of how appealing she is to him and although he wouldn't mind sleeping with her, he would much rather have her heart as well. If they do it now, Sakura will most likely push him away afterwards.

Sakura remained on her back, hands covering her eyes as she tried to hide some tears. Although she should be happy that she can show some sincere emotions, she feels the same surfacing, combined with rage. She cannot understand men. She thought she knew Sasuke but she was completely off and now she faces the same thing again. Learning something she cannot understand is a complete pain.

His goodbye resonated through her head, making her angrier than before. Sakura jumped on her feet and grabbed all the papers she worked hard to organize, throwing them in his back. "Fuck you!" she desperately shouted. Turning to face her, Sakura threw some more papers in his face. The light was back on for both of them to see each other properly. For the first time Sakura was showing him a pained face, tears washing her pink cheeks. "Go fuck yourself and take that trash with you!" Her work has no meaning. She doesn't need it anymore.

Shisui looked at her with big eyes. He cupped his right cheek, feeling the sting from a paper cut. He could say that he is mesmerized by her reaction, by the natural color in her cheeks and by her beautiful face as she cries. A lone strand of hair is caught on her face, right under her left eye. _She is capable of emotions._

Sakura bit her lower lip angry to have fallen in despair again. "You stupid Uchihas always do this to me!" One after another humiliate her and she allows them to do as they please. "Get the fuck out!" she shouted one more team before turning her back, staring at the drops of water washing her window. This is bad. She lost her temper and there is no way back now. Why did she lose her temper?

The sound of the door as it shut gave Sakura the freedom she was waiting for as she fell on her knees, fingers keeping tight the sill shelf. This humiliation is more than she can take. She was weak again but at least he is out of her life before she could fall for him. She should be thankful for this.

Resting her back over the wall beneath the window, Sakura pushed the papers away to make space for her feet. This emptiness inside of her is making her despair for no reason. She did not lose anything that night but she feels like she actually lost something precious. If only she could name the feeling which strangles her.

Eyes staring at her feet, she remained there motionless, thinking of nothing. It is over anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Alone in her office, Sakura remained on the floor, listening to the rain, the only truthful companion. She kept on staring at her feet, fascinated by the thought that she might have destroyed her life again. The awareness that her life was never perfect is there but she keeps on thinking about Sasuke, about her messed up work and how Shisui left her there. She could have walked after him, but she remained again behind, waiting for him to return. Maybe she is too proud to go after him but even if she goes, what would she say? She does not feel like apologizing for something she did not do. On top of that, her feet feel way too heavy to be moved and running is out of question. "He will be back." He always comes back.

Alone and with nobody to talk to, Sakura mumbled uncoherent words, talking to her demons as she played with her fingers. The loneliness alone is not going to affect her. She was always alone in her office so nothing much has changed but this time it feels different. If only Shisui's touch wouldn't linger on her body. Sakura wrapped her hands around her middle, cherishing the moment she just lived. "Not love…"

Sakura snorted, amused by the lies she tries to feed herself. She started laughing, throwing her head over her back like a mad woman. Stopping suddenly, she started considering things carefully. Maybe it was not love but addiction definitely was. She was addicted to his presence, his scent, those lips which made her feel alive again and to those beautiful eyes which captivated her, keeping her prisoner whenever they met. Lost in his eyes, she constantly forgot about time, realizing only later that minutes passed with her doing nothing but staring at him. He never said anything, maybe not noticing or maybe not interested. Sometimes, she felt like he was also staring at her green eyes, trying to see what was inside her heart.

The light was out for another few minutes, leaving Sakura trapped in her own thoughts. Loneliness…Pain…Despair… "Shut up," Sakura threatened bothered by the thoughts in her head. He left you. "Yes…he did leave me here but...he might be back." The voice in her head started laughing at her, annoying Sakura to the point she slapped herself.

As time passed thinking about what just happened, she realized that Shisui did her a favor by not sleeping with her. He didn't take advantage of her although she accused him of doing that. She regrets he was so nice when he shouldn't have treated her with so much care. She wanted him to be rough with her, to give her the pain she needed. Instead, he was nice and that messed her up. It was the right decision not to sleep with her but it was the wrong call to leave her alone with her thoughts. "He was well raised," she mumbled remembering her parents. She was also well raised but she turned her back to the parents who tried their best for her.

The memory of her parents is very much alive although she hardly thinks about them. They used to be embarrassing and make her feel stupid but now they seem like the only thing she needs. Their lame jokes could make her feel better again. "I miss those jokes…" This is why she left home: she did not want to forget the memory of being rejected by Sasuke so she could get stronger. She liked being depressed and sad. Seeing things from the current present, she definitely wasted one year on nothing. Sasuke's memory is very much alive, storming her mind, breaking her heart into small pieces and pushing her towards destruction. The sadness on their faces and her mother's sobs were not enough to stop Sakura from leaving. She left without telling them why or when she will be back, just with a few boxes and no goodbye. Her father kept her mother still in the living room as Sakura stepped inside her shoes and went out without looking over her shoulder. Her mother called her long after she left the apartment, hearing her from downstairs but not paying her attention. Now, her heart throbs in pain but then she could not even bother herself to care. They had to be in the past. "Had they really?" she questioned not believing it anymore. Will they take her back if she goes home? Will they hug her and pat her head? Poor parents to have failure of a daughter. Sakura frowned bothered by the words but not capable contradiction.

Sakura rested on her knees and started gathering the papers she threw at Shisui earlier that night. The voice is resonating in her mind, juggling with her feelings, testing her tolerance. Her eyes scanned everything she wrote, mind playing the moments the two of them met. The meetings with Shisui were also a life lesson. She was narrow-minded, not fully seeing the man in front of her but the man he was resembling. Maybe it really wasn't love what she felt. She did many things with Shisui, things she once wished to do with Sasuke. A tear fell on the paper, slowly slipping down over her handwriting. Weak…annoying….bothersome… Sakura gritted her teeth, finally annoyed by the voice inside her head. "Shut up!" Are you crying? You really haven't changed one day. "Shut it!" She smashed her fist in the ground, breaking her index so she did not have to listen to that voice anymore. The pain is the only comfort she knows because the only man who was of comfort to her just walked outside the door with no intentions of ever coming back.

"It is biologically normal for humans to cry…" Pathetic. "If you do not shut up I will have to crack open my head." With no voice to provoke her anymore, Sakura stared at the ground, noticing here and there some dirt, water drops from Shisui's shirt and pink strands of hair. The rain suddenly stopped, leaving Sakura in a dark quiet room. Watching the drops on the floor, she remembered the night she meet Shisui at the training ground. The girl leaned on the floor, face resting over one of the papers she once wrote, reaching the water drops and wiping them with her fingers, before smelling her hand: the water smells like Shisui. "Why isn't he back yet?" Sakura buried her nose in her fist, taking a deep breath of his smell. She already misses him.

There is no more sound in the room to keep her sane and she cannot stop the flow of memories she has with Shisui. The urge to get on her feet and run after him is unbearable. "Come back to me," she begged her demons, feeling lonely. "Don't go…" Sakura bit her lips in frustration, shaking her head. "I don't want to be alone anymore…" Being alone is so painful. She has nothing to occupy her mind with and his memory is tormenting her. "Please…" Powerless, alone and with nobody to support her, Sakura remained on the ground, crying her eyes out, stirring in all directions. She tried to restrain her sobs in the beginning but the rain started again with loud drums and she released her voice to match the sound outside. "No…" she hit the ground with her palms, frustrated and devastated by her own foolishness. "Give me back…" Eyes stared at the door, cursing it. She shouldn't have opened that door in the first place. He shouldn't have stepped inside. EVER! "…my hard work…" All her work to be strong and emotionless cracked that night, washed away by her tears. "FUCK!" Her fears gain shape, floating around her, mocking her for what she became. Shame. Sakura covered her ears, digging her nails in her skin. This is the life of solitude. "Leave me alone...please...Please!"

Two hours later, Sakura started accepting her situation again, calming down. "Why isn't he back yet…" The regret is surfacing again although the emotions are weaker. There is no more energy to be wasted like before. She should have begged him and kept him there no matter his desires. He wouldn't have left her if she did that, but her mind stopped working then. The memory of a much worse rejection forced her to react like that. She wants to go home and hug her mother for comfort. She wants to fall asleep in her grip and forget all the worries and stupid feelings. Weakling! Sakura gripped her head and crushed her feet in the ground, writhing in agony. She wants the voices to die out but she cannot stand being alone. Eyes wide open, Sakura stared at the ceiling, desperate to find alienation. Why can't the voices in her head take her part and make her feel better? You think of nothing but love.

Desperate and with no other option Sakura smashed her head in the floor, quaking her thoughts. Her hands released her hair, falling at each side of her head as she slowly lost consciousness, spinning in the darkness. As she tilted her head to the side, her eyes looked at the papers lying on the ground. Before fainting, the lights were back on and she cast an eye over a paper right next to her nose. Ah, the answer was right in front of me, she thought before passing out, tears rushing down her eyelashes.

The morning surprise Sakura sleeping on the ground. The papers under Sakura's have been been washed by blood and tears, the writing becoming unintelligible. Bothered by the light, Sakura blinked a couple of times, using her palms to keep the light away. Turning on her side, she stared once again at the papers on the floor. She was so ruthless last night and she cannot say if the spinning in her head is because she cried or because she hit her head with no mercy. Turning on her belly to get up, she felt like Tsunade herself just smashed her head. Nausea combined with tipsiness are pressing her against the floor.

Trying again to get up, her broken finger started to painfully pulse as she tried to use her palms. Forced by the circumstances, Sakura pushed her finger back to its place without even looking if she got the right angle. More pain was added to the already existing one and Sakura could no longer hold in her last meal. She threw up over her work, which was already stained with blood, permanently losing the information written on those papers. Another wave of pain went through her head and she was forced to rest her chin in her vomit, breathing in the horrid smell. "Fuck me…" Her eyes searched the room before fixing the door. Nobody will come to help her. "Why…" Regretting the way she lived her last year, Sakura is forced to admit that she has to fix her relationship with everyone before really killing herself.

Pushing herself back on her feet, she wandered through the room to the sink, hands in front of her to prevent herself from any impact. She rested her hands over the edges, head leaning down. She once again threw up, hitting her chin as she leaned down. "Fuck." Not being able to stand on her feet anymore, she kneed before the sink, forehead leaning on its edge. How could she do that to herself? Foolish. Yes, she was foolish for thinking that a broken head is better that one filled with remorse.

When the sink was filled with water, it started dripping over Sakura's head, refreshing her. She blinked, leaning in the pleasure provoked by cold water and found the strength to reach her wound and heal it with chakra. The process took a while, Sakura constantly losing control over her chakra but eventually the wound was healed, and the dizziness went away, leaving her with a clear mind. Not pain is what Sakura fears but the thought that she is capable of doing great harm to herself. She shouldn't have done that but now it is too late to regret it. Sakura spent a few more minutes leaning against the sink, trying to recall what day it was and what pushed her to be so reckless. Last night is not very clear in her head but she tries her best to remember what pushed her to the verges.

After washing her face, Sakura walked to the nearest box and grabbed a pale green dress and a pair of flats. Leaving the office together with the paper which can help her prove she found what causes the blindness, Sakura aimlessly walked around the hospital looking for the only woman who will listen to her and had the power to convoy an audience with Yondaime and the Uchiha leader.

On her way to find Tsunade, Sakura heard a very nostalgic voice complaining about the treatment. She abruptly stopped, turning her shoulders to look behind, towards room 5. Her eyes narrowed, heart racing, as she recognized the voice of the most amazing shinobi ever, the only man who always accepted her for what she was. "I am telling you I am fine!" the voice insisted. Maybe because she did a very bad job at healing her head, Sakura turned on her heels and walked inside the room where a loud shinobi was pushing a nurse away from him. The woman was trying to inject Naruto something, but the loud shinobi hid his hands under the blanket and looked away.

"Just take the damn thing," another voice sunk into Sakura's ears, making her stop before the two could see her. Her eyes went wide as she heard the only shinobi she never wished to meet again. Run, a voice surfaced, making Sakura shiver. This is the only thing you know, anyway. That is right. When it comes to Sasuke, she would much rather hide inside her office and never see the light again. Sasuke is right ahead and she cannot walk towards him or away from him. Her feet are the unmovable mountains which prevent her from saving her pitiful ass. Sakura rested one hand on the wall for balance. This cannot be happening. Not now. Sasuke shifted from one foot to another, giving him a better angle to see her but also giving her a chance to see more than just his ear and spiky hair.

He looks manly, she noticed as she bit her lower lip. Sasuke is still one of the few men capable of making her shiver just from his sight alone. Even though she longs to see Shisui, she cannot help but long to be next to the man who destroyed her. Sakura gazed at him, noticing how his hair grew a little longer, almost covering one of his eyes. His face is still very attractive. Shisui and Sasuke do look alike. Fear made her shake realizing that she might have fallen in love with Sasuke all over again. "No…." she whispered. This cannot be happening.

"Come on asshole, I want to go home," the Uchiha snapped.

His snap woke Sakura up, making her notice just how unchanged Sasuke is. Shisui would never act like that. If Sasuke could, he would break her apart all over again without giving a damn. He doesn't care at all, she considered. He most likely forgot about her a very long time ago and she is the only one foolishly grasping the past. She didn't fall in love with him again but she might be just as in love as before with him.

"But it hurts!" Naruto barked back.

Sakura clenched her fists and took a step ahead with her head up. Before the nurse could beg again, Sakura spoke on a steady voice: "Naruto, don't waste people's time with your whining!" Sakura's voice made all three of them jerk in surprise, turning to face the woman who angrily walked inside. Even Sasuke looked surprised as Sakura took the syringe away from the nurse and violently grabbed Naruto's left arm. The hyperactive shinobi looked petrified at his former teammate, not even paying attention to what Sakura was doing. The kunoichi remained emotionless as she did the job the nurse could not do. Memories surface as she remembers the times she was a doctor, taking care of people, caring for them with all she had. She missed this.

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto mumbled as he watched Sakura hand the syringe back to the nurse.

"I believe you can go now," she said concluding the shot was against germs he might have caught in his last mission. Sakura looked over her shoulder, green eyes locking with blue ones. None of them can speak more than they already did. Perhaps both of them have things they want to share but the presence of a certain Uchiha makes both of them unable to speak.

She misses Naruto most. His easy going way always made her feel like her problems were too small to bother with. She avoided him all this time, fearing he might make her realize just how stupid it is to leave everything behind. Now she knows it was not smart to ignore people who love her. It was not that she couldn't forget about Sasuke but she didn't want to. She wanted to always remember the boy who turned her into a mad woman, not even knowing which voice is hers and which one belongs to her demons. The two kept on staring at each other, sharing unspoken words.

Naruto concluded Sakura was getting better, leaving her office when the hospital is crowded and even coming to speak with him. "Let's eat ramen sometimes," he finally spoke, wishing to hear her voice again.

Sakura swallowed her pride and showed him a small smile. "We should," she promised as she walked to the door. Her eyes never looked towards Sasuke but she wanted to face him. She felt his stare but decided it is better to ignore him. Her feet carried away from the room and away from the only demon she ever knew. Now she is aware that the demon who was pushing her towards hurting herself had Sasuke's voice and not hers.

It is reassuring to know that in the end she was not crazy enough to wish she were dead. Those words were words Sasuke would tell her just so she could leave him alone. But rest assure because now she will never go near him again.

The search took a very long time, but Sakura managed to find Tsunade on the rooftop, drinking a bottle of sake early in the morning. Blinded by the strong light, Sakura stood still for a few moments, her eyes trying to adjust to the sudden intruder. By the time Sakura managed to properly see, she noticed her teacher was facing her, leaning over the fence preventing people from falling down. This time she will not run away from Tsunade because she already faced her number one enemy. Sakura walked towards her teacher, feeling nothing but pride to know the woman who taught her everything she knew.

"I am sorry for my late arrival," Sakura bowed her head, low enough to touch her knees with her forehead. "I finished my research."

To Sakura's surprise, her teacher calmly took the paper away from her hand and started reading it with great care. The girl raised her head, ashamed to look Tsunade in the eyes, but searched the woman's cheeks and lips as she silently red.

"This is good," Tsunade agreed and gulped from her bottle. The woman looked over her shoulder, at the village.

Sakura remained in front of Tsunade, looking at the same scene as her teacher. The crack in her head was the best thing she ever did to herself. If she knew that breaking her head like that could wake her up from her misery, she would have done it a very long time ago.

"Are you mad at me?" Sakura finally asked not bearing the silence anymore.

"Aren't you also mad with yourself?" Tsunade asked back, sending Sakura a cold stare.

Sakura travelled a hand through her pink locks, seizing her words. "I am," she admitted with no objections. "But Tsunade-sama…" Sakura started and stared at the clear sky, "I had to do this for myself." She had to see with her own eyes how it is like to be alone, powerless and useless, trying to free herself from past obsessions.

"Or to yourself," she corrected Sakura, smelling the blood carried by the wind from her hair. Sakura smiled, nodding. Yes, she had to do it for herself and to herself so she could appreciate what she had left behind. She might never have Sasuke but she will always have her life, her friends and her work. And maybe….maybe Shisui as well.

"Go home, shower and apologize to your parents until you cannot move your lips ever again. After that, come and we will speak more about this."

Sakura bowed her head and followed Tsunade's instructions. The first thing she did after leaving the hospital was to buy flowers for her mother. The trip was very long, Sakura moving as slowly as possible, imagining what she should tell her parents, what they will say but mostly worried they might refuse to recognize her as their daughter. They will tell her hurtful words, make her feel miserable and even punish her in many ways for what she did. Pitiful. "I am..." she replied as she stopped in front of the building, eyes staring at the entrance. But the worst thing is that they will actually welcome her back home and she will have to face them every day from now on. Time cannot be taken back and she will not be able to properly apologize to them because, in the end, she is no longer the girl who depended on her parents. She is an independent woman and they will welcome her fearing she might leave again and not see her for years to come. This is hurtful for all three of them. Sakura regrets she cannot make them feel better about having their daughter back home.

Indeed, her parents were shocked the moment she walked inside the house. Sakura looked at them with emotionless eyes, lips firmly pressed together as she walked towards them. They were having breakfast in the living room, speaking about what their Hokage was up to nowadays. "I am home," she announced the obvious, eyes staring at her mother. They haven't changed much and they look healthy, she concluded. Sakura intended to hand her mother the flowers but the woman was on her feet in a second, grabbing the bouquet and hitting Sakura's face with it before throwing it on the ground.

"I am so angry," Mebuki started as she clenched her fists. "Get out!" she shouted cutting the air with her arm as she motioned Sakura to walk away.

Sakura showed no remorse and made no sound when her mother hit her with the flowers. She was expecting her to be angry, to want to hit her and throw her out. She also expected Mebuki to grab her hand as she turned to walk away. The woman grabbed Sakura with fear as she saw her intention to walk away without a word. Mebuki pulled her daughter in a tight grip, tears leaving her eyes. She is relived Tsunade was right: her daughter did come back home once she found the answer she was looking for. "Stupid, useless daughter!" Kizashi got up and hugged them both in a tight hug.

This was what Sakura feared one year ago: her parents have the power to make her feel better when she doesn't want to. She missed their hugs, their sometimes harsh words but she missed the warmth they surrounded Sakura with. How foolish of you to think you can have everything back! She is a fool, but everyone is when it comes to comfort.

The evening came quite fast, Sakura spending most of the day with her family, hearing their stories and watching their happy faces, forcing the ice around her heart to melt. She barely spoke, preferring to keep her sharp tongue locked, but nodding whenever they waited for her answer. She really wanted to sincerely smile to them but she occasionally found herself portraying empty smiles, just like their ones she always showed Shisui. She cannot show emotions she clearly lacks. The last thing she wants is for another wave of feelings to invade her and put her down. The happiness to see her parents is indeed overwhelming but she cannot start smiling out of the sudden all the time without her face hurting.

In the evening, Sakura went to the Uchiha compound, searching for Shisui's home. It took her a while, becoming aware just how many members the Uchiha clan has.

"You are unusually quiet today," she said to the voice in her head, gently panting her temple.

Reaching his home, she waited long minutes thinking if she should knock at the door or simply wait. Checking for Shisui's chakra, she realized he was yet not home, so she decided not to intrude but simply rest over the fence, waiting for him to return home. Around 11 PM, Shisui approached his house in Itachi's company. The two were casually speaking and occasionally laughing out loud. Itachi was the first to notice Sakura, pointing her out with his chin. Shisui also remarked her, black eyes a little surprised by the unexpected visitor waiting for him. The mood suddenly changed and Shisui could no longer joke with Itachi the way he did before seeing her.

Sakura shifter her weight back on her feet as she noticed him. Her heart started beating fast at his sight, suddenly forgetting everything she wanted to tell him. Why is she there if she does not have the confidence to face him? Sakura bit her lower lip, waiting for him to approach her while ordering her thoughts. He already knows how weak she really is so there is no reason for her to hide. He knows her better than she likes to believe. "Do you have a moment?" she asked when the two stopped in front of her.

"S-see you tomorrow, Shisui," Itachi greeted as he continued his journey back home.

With hands still in his pockets, Shisui looked at Sakura with uninterested eyes. He is happy and worried to see her waiting for him. Knowing Sakura, she most likely came to say hurtful words. Sakura shrugged her shoulders, feeling the pressure created by his silence. It was not supposed to be like this. She had no expectations really, but he was supposed to be happier. Then again, only last night she threw a bunch of papers at him, insulting him and throwing him out of her office. She won't apologize for that as he was the one who started everything. If anything, he should apologize for making her cry. "I know how to treat the blindness," she started not wanting to prolong the moment.

"Good to know," he nodded and took some steps ahead, walking past her and to the gate.

She is rejected once again but this time it does not feel like there is no hope. He told her that he wants more than just her body. "I went home today," she blurted suddenly, turning to face him. Shisui was about to open the gate and walk inside when he heard her.

"Again, good to know." He did not expect her to speak about something other than what he did to her last night.

Cut off again, Sakura tried to laugh, frustrated by his unfriendly attitude. She is really trying but he wants to make her life hell. Only hours ago she was perfectly calm and composed with her parents but now she is agitated and completely lost because he does not give her what she wants. He never gives her what she wants. Is this his strategy? Playing hard to get is certainly a good idea, especially if you want to make someone like Sakura to long for you. Sakura walked ahead, grabbing his elbow. "Do you want to hear my story?" she asked, willing once again to open her heart if that could make him stay longer.

Of course, he wants to hear her story and be there with her but he fears he might hug her again, getting her angry. He can pretty much guess her story and now it is hard for him to make another step knowing it will hurt her. Sighing, he walked closer to her and leaned over the fence. In only one night she made such a progress that it would be a pity not to hear her story. "A love story?"

Relieved, Sakura rested next to him, staring at the clear sky. "It is not a love story. It had no potential to become one either." Sakura looked at him for a second, making sure he is there because he really wants to and not because she insisted. Unfortunately, Shisui is emotionless as always, forcing her to question his feelings for her. "Long story short, I was rejected when I had too many hopes and could not see anything beyond that. But something good came out of it at the end so I guess it was worth it."

"Speaking on your own is worth it?" he snorted.

Sakura remained quiet, not knowing how to tell him that her only companion was that voice. Sasuke's voice. That voice was the only thing she wanted to hear but it was also the voice she despised most. "Yes. It was." Glancing at his face again she felt her heart squeeze in pain. "No...it was not worth it, but it happened." She won't tell him more lies.

"Is that so..." he replied absent minded. He couldn't save her from the very beginning. The only option was for her to completely forget whoever she liked and move on. He can never really be nice to her, always saying cold words just so she wouldn't get too close. Now, Shisui wants her but he cannot treat her the way he treats everyone else.

"Anyway," she walked in front of him, hands clasped behind her back as she looked him in the eyes. "Thank you..." she bit her lower lip embarrassed, "...senpai." Shisui blinked surprised by her sudden politeness, not believing his ears.

Clenching his fists in his pockets, he tried his best to restrain himself from touching her. "Are you going to confess or what?" he cannot wait anymore for her to tell him that she likes him as well. Of course, he knows Sakura is not that type of girl but anything will do, just an approval that he can touch her.

Sakura shrugged her shoulders, holding in a smile. "I could but...then I might be lying. But I do like your presence."

"I will take whatever you can give me," he said not able to restrain himself anymore. He grabbed her hand, pulling her next to his body, feeling her warmth. Hands wrapped behind her back, Shisui leaner closer, giving in to her scent of soap and coffee. For the first time and hair is smooth, carefully brushed and nicely arranged over her back. Her skin smells like green tea from the cream she used. The clothes she wears are ironed and no longer scabrous from all the times she wore them.

"I want to forget him," she confessed. Sakura did not hug him back but she enjoys the hug just as much as he does. He smells a little bit like sake and roasted chicken, delicious enough for her to want him. Resting her temple over his neck, she closed her eyes and relaxed her muscles. She can trust him.

"I will make that happen."

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think. Should I continue it or you think it is a fit ending? ^^**


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